My alarm screamed at me from across the room this morning at 5:30 a.m. (Apparently, I set my alarm to wake me for 6 a.m. Pure Barre.) I walked across the room to hit snooze for the next two hours. It's Monday, and there is no way on God's green earth that I was going to squeeze my rear into tight spandex and greet the sun with tucks and lifts. My body already hurts because it's Monday, but I choose to smile because my apple and peanut butter was on point this morning. I know most of the working world curses the calendar when Monday rolls around, so I am going to give you some semi-humorous clips (at my expense) to carry your thoughts through the day.
1. A few weeks ago, I went to an art show for Corey Mason. It was the highlight of my week especially since my best bro and girls were coming along. (Yes, mom, I consider you to be one of my best girls.) When I go to an event surrounded by people I know, I tend to have a lot of energy so anything can happen. Barton, my best bro, was introducing me to his business partner's wife. As I lean forward to shake her hand I notice my foot wouldn't lean with me. My 4 inch heel was stuck in the air vent! Now, any normal person would have the ability to pull the heel out without being noticed but not me. I struggled hard, trying to be inconspicuous. I finally had to look at Barton, his business partner, and the wife and say, "Y'all, I'm really sorry for the struggle, but my heel is stuck in the air vent. I just wanted to go ahead and put that out there." God bless Barton for being such a solid friend and putting up with my crazy.
2. So, I had to eat my words a few weeks ago. I never thought I would become addicted to Pure Barre, but it happened. I actually get excited about class as long as it isn't at 6 a.m. About a month ago, I was a week into my new love affair. Everything was going great. I was learning the ways of the tuck, hold, and freeze. One day after work and an obnoxious amount of coffee consumption, I made my way to class. I was going to tuck the work day away with a graceful smile. The class began and I crushed the leg lifts and initial ab session without blinking, but something didn't feel right. When it was time to go into 90 second plank, I was ready to conquer. Fifteen seconds, 20 seconds, and 30 seconds breezed by until it hit me. I couldn't stop its path from my stomach to my throat. The coffee I drank earlier decided to take a little road trip. I didn't know what to do. I saw my Pure Barre relationship flash before my eyes. Do I run to the bathroom or do I gulp it down? If I would have hurled on that floor, there is no way I would ever be able to show my face in class again. I looked at the door, and a sorority girl was blocking my exit path. I took one for the team and sent that vomit right back to where it came from. I think I just lost any future dates with that story. Have mercy.
3. Did I mention the time I was pulled over for speeding on New Year’s day 2014, while I was driving to Charlotte to visit my parents? I thought I would start the New Year off right and listen to a sermon. When I looked in my rear view mirror, I noticed a cop was behind me. I felt awful because I was hogging the left lane, so I naturally pulled into the right lane to let him pass. Well, he followed me. I was confused when he lit the blue and red sirens because I had given him his space. Embarrassment draped over me as I put my car in park and turned the volume down on Jesus. I didn't care that he pulled me over. Life happens. What I was more worried about was the way I looked. Let me paint a mental picture for you. My hair looked as though an eagle made a nest overnight. Mascara was smudged in ways I can't even begin to describe. My white and blue striped pajama pants still graced my body with a hole in the leg. The best part of my entire ensemble was the green, furry 1970s coat that I inherited from my grandmother. I rolled down my window in shame. Note to future self: Always look presentable and never wear that green coat again.
My life is never dull. I always surprise myself with new, graceful moments. I hope you had a good laugh. Now, get to work!!